Forty mothers, wives, and singles of different ages, races and professional backgrounds, gathered on a Zoom call with Latoya Scott-Brown —the only woman willing to go on record with her full name. Yet on the record or off, all were focused on finding an answer to the key question: What is a big dick?
We set out to define —in inches— what constitutes a small penis, a medium penis and a large one. And over the course of one hour, and much back and forth, this focus group came to a consensus. Answers and experiences varied, but all agreed on a metric for the erect male penis: 3 to 4 inches equals a micro to small penis; 5 to 8 Inches equals a medium to average penis; 9 and more equals a large to extra-large penis.
After the vote, the conversation centered primarily on the next question: is biggest always best?
“When a man makes you climax,” says Elle, a mid 40’s mother of three who just recently experienced her first orgasm, “it’s powerful! It’s addictive! It’s like a drug.” But it’s not size, it’s the oral stimulation that took her there. “You can have a really big one, but your body just can’t take all of it, so then that messes with the pleasure aspect.”
Latoya Scott-Brown, agrees. “I would say an extra-large penis is disappointing from the perspective that it causes a lot of damage. You need several days to recover from one session. So, you have to start weighing if the juice is worth the squeeze?”
For everyone on the call, the answer was no. “I almost felt like I wasn’t taking it like a champ,” continues Latoya. “I had to just bear the pain in silence. And I did, because I was young and stupid.”
Joy, a wife and mother of four, understands. “When you’re younger you might not always have the language to talk about things. In theory that’s when you’re supposed to have like your wild slutty days, but you may not even know how to touch yourself.”
So, if the biggest cock doesn’t consistently lead to the best experience, why do we continue to believe so?
Sam Jones in Playgirl magazine
“It definitely comes from those conversations and the dirty talk that women have around each other,” says Lauren, a late thirties creative executive in a long-term relationship. “You’ll hear: ‘Oh! He’s got some big hands, so you already know!” Or whispers that he wears size 13, so ‘Oh girl, you got it!’ Hearing those things combined with movies that we watched, or being on the playground or being in high school cafeteria… it shapes your perspective.”
So too can total silence. For Elle, who grew up in a very religious household there was minimum exposure to sex and sex talk. “You have to wait. You have to abstain, You have to try and follow the Bible every single day.” With such a vacuum around sex, her first encounters with a penis were startling.
“I didn’t know that they came in different sizes! I didn’t know that some could have a hook or some could be uncircumcised.” But like every woman on this call, she learned through multiple experiences. “It’s hard to not have desires, you know? Because at the end of the day, I’m still human.”
And so is each and every woman who checked in for our call. It’s through their human experiences and desires that we concluded some truths about the penis and what women want.
The first is: No matter the size, pleasure must be reciprocated. “If the man is just gonna starfish and lay there because he brought the tool, then you’re not interested in my pleasure and you should not be here, period,” says Latoya. “The best sex I’ve ever had was with a pleaser. And of course I married him!”
The second is the importance of girth! “You can do a whole lot with a smaller size if it has girth to it,” says Lauren. “You can get it in your hand and you can absolutely work with it. And when you feel that fullness, you just feel like all of the walls are being touched.”
Sean Kahlil, Playgirl March 1991.
And the third? Penetration is more meta than physical. Something Erin, the youngest on our call confirmed. At 20 years old she had just begun her sexual journey. Yet, already, she’s unimpressed with the penis. “They are not as fulfilling as everybody says,” she declares. But after her recent date night with a micro penis, the last thing she felt was disappointment. “That didn’t matter. I was absolutely fine because this man had taken me out to dinner and planned our holiday. He took the steps to set the mood.”
Her words resonated with everyone. “I don’t sleep with men who wouldn’t take into account my pleasure. But at the same time, I can’t ever really judge anybody for not doing the best job or being the biggest. Everybody’s different. I don’t ever want to make anybody uncomfortable about that.”
With that she summarized the key conclusion: When it comes to the perfect penis, it may just be about the perfect compromise. And to that we took our final toast.
