“Sex is easy. Like if I wanted to have sex, I can go out there and get it real quick,” says Rhasha, one of the stars of TLC’s new reality show Virgins. “It’s easy. But I’m looking for my person. Someone that I can unleash with. Like that’s the whole thing for me. And my person is out there, you know?”
Documenting the search for that special one is the focus of the new show Rhasha is featured on. Since the series launched this summer, the Lebanon born, Philadelphia raised beauty has been a standout. Her unique mix of sexy, bubbly and doe eyed ingenue has made her the fan favorite of the show. She’s joined by an equally charismatic cast, including Deanne from Los Angeles, Alex from Reading, Pennsylvania, and Sonali from Hollywood.
Each star is wildly different from the other, but shares a unique status as virgins. Virginity, at any age, is really a social construct, says Dr. Elizabeth Gordon, an Integrative Sexual Health Psychiatrist. In our interview on the topic, she shares: “There is no actual thing that is virginity. So, it is often used, particularly in the context of females, to mean first penetration, and is often considered to involve breaking the hymen.”
‘Virgins’ • TLC.
For Rhasha this ceremonious penetration has yet to happen. However, self-exploration can take the place of intercourse. “I can orgasm on my own,” says Rhasha, “But I don’t insert anything because I’m too scared for that,” she shares with her trademark giggle. Reaching 42, without experiencing penetration was never the plan, but it became the path. “I feel things really deep. And I guess what I saw growing up, talking to my friends, and watching movies led to this whole delusion in my head of how things should be.” This idealized sense of a fairytale relationship as the standard, formed a natural barrier against settling for anything less. And for a young woman in a big family, Rhasha had many examples of where settling for less can lead.
“I’ve seen the BS that my family and friends went through,” she recalls. “I watched everybody go through it. And I’m like: this is not what this person deserves. Why is this person crying? I’m an observer and I soaked all that in.”
For a young woman still developing her views on relationships, sex and love, it inspired a very careful and guarded approach to intimacy. Her strategy? To take things slow and keep to herself. “You know, despite my bubbly personality, I’m an introvert. I can be by myself. That’s the dangerous thing.” From her teen years through early adulthood, she kept her dating selective and didn’t mention her virginity unless it came up. But for this vibrant Scorpio, making the choice to wait on a sexual partner didn’t mean having to wait on sexual pleasure.
“I didn’t find it hard to suppress that. It’s more learning myself and being with myself because I know how to take care of myself. It’s just that my real focus is to find the right person that I can connect with.”
By her late twenties she was still lacking that connection, while watching everyone around her enjoy it.
Rhasha in ‘Virgins’ • TLC.
“At that point, I wanted to experience sex. I wanted to experience being in a relationship because everybody around me was. And that’s what I started to want.” Almost like magic: what she wanted appeared in the form of a long-distance lover. Handsome, young and foreign born, he lavished her with attention, conversation and romance. There was one hiccup: he needed to validate his residency in the United States with a green card.
“I’m sure he had his motives,” she acquiesced. “But he was nice, and he was funny and he actually wanted to come down and see me. And that’s what got me attached, him actually paying a little bit of attention to me.” For years, they talked on and off and even squeezed in a Christmas visit. Despite the long-distance nature of the relationship, her new beau managed to make Rhasha feel relaxed and safe enough to consider the ultimate leap: marriage. Soon, her partner proposed and moved from the Midwest to Rhasha’s home in the south. But it didn’t take long for the fairytale to feel like a nightmare.
“I tried to wear lingerie, I tried cooking dinners, I tried being what I thought I should be. And it sparked nothing. This dude just looked at me with such disgust.”
What Rhasha believed was a safe space to finally experience penetration and explore her sexual self became ground zero for shredding her self-esteem. For five years she hovered in the holding pattern of seeking affection and attention –and being ignored. By the time she decided to file for divorce, she exited the marriage exactly as she entered it: a virgin. Looking back on the experience, she takes accountability. “I would say it wasn’t him. It was me. I did not have the confidence that I have now. I did not have the self-worth and self-love that I have now. I was low then. He made me lower.” Despite her increasing depression, she clung on hoping for the best. “I put up with a lot of things and hopes because I was falling in love with my expectations and the potential I saw in him. And when he broke me down even more, that’s when my eyes opened and I was like, this, I don’t deserve this. That’s where I had to cut it off.”
By the end of her five-year marriage, Rhasha was at her highest weight and her lowest point. Her solution was to do something radical: sending a cold email to the general account for TLC’s My 600-lb Life. “It was after my divorce, and I was feeling so low and so bad. I needed something to feel good about myself,” she recalls of the moment. “And I was just reaching out for help because I needed a glow up.”
‘Virgins’ • TLC.
Amazingly, her shot in the dark yielded results when TLC responded. “From what I heard, they said they really don’t check that email. So, I don’t know how it all connected. But I said, I know I’m not 600 pounds, but this is my story and I just need help. I have no experience with TV. I did not audition for anything in the past. This is me, real and authentic.”
That set the domino effect that brought Rhasha in as part of the foursome shining a spotlight on the sex life of virgins. Since the show’s debut, Rhasha and her co-stars’ transparency has stimulated a silent minority: adult virgins. Virginity –especially well into adulthood– is not a topic of mainstream conversation. But viewers’ reaction to the show tells us that in real life it is much more common than we think.
According to a study by the National Survey of Family Growth, the number of self-reported male and female virgins –for all sexualities– rose exponentially between 2013-2015 and 2022-2023. For male virgins between the ages of 22 and 34, the population grew from 4% to 10%. For women, numbers rose from 5% to 7% in the same timeframe. Overall, the study, which has been conducted since 1982, determined there are more self-reported virgins today than existed when the study launched over forty years ago. And for those who have “lost” their virginity, sexlessness has become an emerging trend. NSFG shares that 24% of men self-reported as lacking in sexual activity or desire–up from 9% in 2013 through 2015. Among women the rates rose to 13% from 8% in the same time frame.
For Rhasha these statistics are less about people abstaining from sex and more about people choosing meaningful intercourse. “I feel that what people really crave is a connection with another person. And they don’t know how to separate the sexual energy and experiencing yourself and having a connection.” Today the “Divorced Virgin,” as she’s known across the web, is enjoying the lessons that came with her failed marriage and successful run at reality TV. “I am so proud of myself for allowing myself to experience this heartache. I am proud of myself for seeing my past self and seeing my future self. I’m proud of myself for listening to me.”
For a self-described introvert who did not discuss her virginity publicly prior to this show, becoming a role model on screen has been affirming for her –and for the viewers, many of whom have reached out to thank her. Some are virgins and some are not. But for Rhasha, her message to all is the same: “Ultimately,” she shares, “It’s ok to wait. It’s ok to be sexual and still have boundaries. It’s ok to get what you deserve. Do it at your own pace. So, you can know what you want and get what you want. Trust me.”
