The White Lotus season 3 is finished. So, if you’re an avid viewer of Max’s most treasured, zeitgeisty series, it’s likely you’re either still reeling from that ending, or simply upset that your Sunday evening screening routine has been rattled. If you’re not into the show at all, then it’s safe to assume you’re happy to move on from everyone and their dog asking if you’re watching.
Regardless of your opinion on the series, long has there been a show that’s brought so many people together in its satirical commentary on Western society; about what we value and the kinds of humans we can become based on those values.
Enter Frank played by Sam Rockwell, who joins the cast for just a few scenes at the end of the season, making his grand entrance in Episode 5. Rick (Walton Goggins) has left the hotel grounds and arrived in Bangkok to avenge his father’s death and seeks out help from his old friend Frank. While we aren’t privy to their friendship’s backstory, we can infer they had some wild times together back in the day. Frank happily fills Rick in on his need to leave the US and why he came to Thailand — “I’ve always had a thing for Asian girls, you know?” Cue synchronized eye-rolling from millions of women worldwide, Asian women in particular. We all know these types of guys. The ones who ‘escape’ to Thailand as if it were a far-East Vegas/adult Disneyland. Yet, what we all assumed would be a lengthy, perhaps painful tirade into racial fetishization and harmful stereotypes, transforms into “one of the most surreal monologues seen on TV”, according to Vanity Fair. It’s a no-holds-barred account of one man’s tumultuous rock bottom and, in turn, ascension to nirvana through sex, sexuality and gender exploration.
Frank goes on to explain that the lack of attachments in this new place made it easy for him to indulge in his favorite vices like “a kid in a candy store,” partying to his heart’s content and picking up different women each night to the point of insatiability. But behind Frank’s seemingly endless well of desires lay a search for meaning, signaling the shift of his story from one of self-harm to that of self-discovery, as he shares that “maybe what I really want is to be one of these Asian girls.” Here’s where it starts to get complex. Frank explains, in delicious, beautiful detail, how this initial thought led to a deeper questioning of his own sexuality and eventually gender. He goes on to have sex with transgender women, something he’d “done before,” but this time “the ladyboy fucked me. It was kind of magical.” Through this he discovers that what he really wanted was to “be one of these Asian girls” and to be fucked by himself.
‘The White Lotus’ Season 3 • Photo: HBO.
So, he made it happen. He dressed as his best interpretation of the archetype of the woman he was most attracted to and let a guy who “looked a lot like himself” come over and have at it. This became his newest fixation, and night after night, multiple men, some he would pay, would come over and “rail the shit” out of him. He’d then hire a girl to watch the entire thing, thinking “I am her and I’m fucking me.” Ah, the sweet inception of a repressed sexual fantasy come to life.
What makes Frank’s tale so poignant is just how rarely stories like these are shared by men. Definitely not by those of the “heterosexual” genre and definitely not publicly. Although White Lotus writer and creator Mike White recently went on Andrew Sullivan’s podcast stating, controversially, that the writing was intended to explore “autogynephilia,” the writing remains open to the audience’s interpretation. Which is exactly what makes it so groundbreaking. We are invited to ponder each sentence and come up with questions. Is it simply that some men are just jealous of women? Or do some accept that gender can indeed lie outside the binary, and aren’t afraid of it? Commentary on social media has been coming at the answers from all angles, with Tiktoker @the_yv_edit going deep and hitting harder than most in her video covering the topic, which has racked up nearly a million views. Meanwhile, another user @meganparke keeps it simple and asks us to hold a mirror to ourselves. Are we, like Frank and all the characters in the show, stuck in an endless cycle of chasing — whether it’s sex, control, power, money? And will we ever truly be satisfied with what we are pursuing once we get it? Is it ever enough?
I, like Rick sitting across from Frank, sat with my mouth agape, my brain doing somersaults. It was as if Frank’s story represented so much of my own frustrations with men and the confines they place on themselves, both sexually and in life. Why does it always seem to take a dark night of the soul for some men to accept that hey, it’s okay to just like what you like? But within a society based on machismo and heteronormativity, who can really blame them?
Sam Rockwell • Photo: AAF/Alamy.
What made Frank’s confession so profound and beautiful was his ability to truly share this story with an old friend, another man, seated with an air of noble confidence. He holds himself high, without a shred of self-inflicted judgment. It is outside the confines of the patriarchy where the exploration of male sexuality can truly flourish. If only more men felt comfortable discussing their desires and their confrontations with gender nonconformity. But instead, it often seems that these parts of themselves remain hidden from the world; from their girlfriends or wives, their oldest friends and everyone around them. Just ask your trans women friends or turn to Tiktok to hear countless anecdotes about the “straight men” who hate them to their faces but love them behind closed doors, and closed DMs. And often, when such desires are portrayed in the media, the protagonist is left in pieces on the floor with a deep, unshakeable shame. All because he wore a dress, or fucked someone other than a cis woman. Until White Lotus’s 6.2 million viewers saw Mr. Rockwell flip this narrative on its head.
In closing, Frank suggests that “sex is a poetic act, it’s a metaphor. A metaphor for what? Are we our forms? Am I a middle-aged white guy on the inside too? Or inside could I be an Asian girl? Guess I was trying to fuck my way to the answer.”
The monologue doesn’t just end with some grandiose coming out announcement. He hasn’t stuck a label on himself as bisexual, pansexual, gay, nonbinary or trans. Here he is, a picture of calm, reveling in this retelling of a profound adventure within his shadowy sexual soul which led him in a circle. He came out the other side, a better version of himself, and proud of where he ended up. He had to stop the drugs, the girls, trying to be a girl. He got into Buddhism. “Being sober isn’t so hard,” he says. “Being celibate though… I still miss that pussy man.”
