So many of us can relate to the dip, or rather roller coaster sized free fall, in both hormone levels and sexual desire that often occurs during perimenopause, menopause and even postmenopause. If the smorgasbord of symptoms only stopped with lack of sexual desire, (lest we forget anxiety, frozen shoulder, hot flashes, nausea, and vaginal dryness), perhaps female-bodied humans could know what to do to feel better. But unless you’re lucky enough to have found the right cocktail that excites you with the idea of getting some cock and tail, it can be hard to get your groove back.
From books like What Fresh Hell is This, The New Menopause, The Upload and the cunt classic (yes, it’s time we reclaim the term), The Pause, there is so much information on how to get through the before, during, and after the change. And yet, it feels like a heck of a journey to become a crone.
When it comes to perimenopause, the only insights I have are my own personal experience, and that of my friends, colleagues and clients who are all “in it to win it” together. What I’ve learned from this journey is that there is not one path, or one pussy, that can share the exact same experience of the M-word. One thing that many of us can relate to (except perhaps for those chosen few who say, “I didn’t feel a thing”) is that it’s not easy going from sexy and sensual to disinterested and dry.
For those of us who are struggling to feel the juicy desire we once felt, I feel you. And I encourage you to keep on feeling yourself too (the other M word). Despite the night sweats and dryness, which a longitudinal study of women transitioning through menopause found were the two biggest factors to less masturbation, if you can fake it until you make it through menopause, you’re likely doing your vagina a service.
Self-love is great for keeping the parts lubricated and functioning at peak performance, since it increases blood flow to the vagina and keeps the tissue healthier. Plus, it may help preserve the length and width of the vagina, which can be helpful for reducing pain and discomfort.
It’s also helpful to add regular Kegel exercises to your menopause fitness regime. Not only will they strengthen your pelvic floor and reduce urinary incontinence, kegels can also be quite pleasurable. Most of us get into the idea of doing kegels, but we don’t keep up with the routine. While it’s okay if you don’t do as many daily kegels as you set out to, doing kegels while you’re getting it on, or getting off, is a delightful way to work up arousal and workout at the same time.
One last thing. Don’t skimp on the lube if you need it. Sure, you’ll hear stories of female bodied people who stay as wet as a waterfall, but for those who are not investing in Gore-Tex, lube is going make it easier and more comfortable to get into action.
No matter what your moisture meter reads, the thing that’s most important during this time is to keep on top of the things that once made you feel good, such as your hands, toys, flirting and intimacy. If you can keep on moving through the “pause” without pausing your sexual side, you can still come out the other side not giving a fuck (a freeing experience of aging), while continuing to enjoy fucking.
