We first learn about kissing when we watch any Disney princess movie. Or any princess adjacent movie, or almost any movie with the title Princess in it. In the Princess Bride the search for true love’s kiss keeps the main character alive. A kiss is also life or death for Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. And while kissing can be the main motivator in a Princess movie, the reality is that it’s often the first sexy act we drop, especially as the relationship gains in years.
Sloppy, drunk, wet, electric – these are but a few ways to describe a kiss. Whether you prefer them with your mouth open or closed, your tongue in or out, and your eyes wide open or shut – the art of kissing is either something one loves, or possibly something one loathes.
Kissing can be a game changer. A good kiss is the gateway to a melt-in-your-mouth experience. A bad kiss is more like a sour candy gone stale sort of vibe. Whether that’s in the form of sloppy, floppy tongues or drooly, unruly saliva, whatever turns you off when you’re kissing can really turn you off. If you’re sensitive to tastes and smells, kissing may require additional accoutrements (think mints or jolly ranchers).
“The Kiss” by F. Hayez, Pinacoteca di Brera.
Whatever your reason for poo-pooing the pucker up, if you want to learn to kiss, here are some basics:
Ask Before You Kiss. It’s all about consent. Don’t kiss anyone who doesn’t want to be kissed. And besides, there’s something exciting about being asked the question, “May I kiss you?”
Start slow and build up the beat. Like dancing or exercise, warming up helps to keep thing moving along nicely. Start with lips before moving to tongue. Introduce tongue slowly and softly before building up to anything more intense.
Stay chill. As in the relaxed vibe sort of way. It’s much nicer to kiss a soft, available pair than it is to kiss hard, tight lips (not to be confused with hard, tight buns, which can be pretty sexy to handle).
Change it Up. Variety is the spice of life. Keep things from getting too monotonous or routine. Experiment with speed and rhythm, alternating between quick flicks and long lingers.
Call and Response. Think of learning to kiss as a game of follow the leader. If your partner is using less tongue than you do, try doing it their way. Then swap, and take time to show them how you like to kiss.
Kiss the Face. Kissing isn’t only a mouth sport, get playful and nibble on an ear, or suck on a neck.
Use Your Hands. Want to increase the intimacy? Then use your hands on their face, neck, arms, wherever you want to put them. It says “I’ve got you” in more ways than one.
Above all else, practice makes better. Think of kissing as kindling. Don’t be afraid to try new things in the service of building a fire. This recalls an aphorism about kissing I’ve heard before. To paraphrase: “if you open these lips (points to mouth) then you open those lips (points to vulva).”
