Not sure what to call your niche of naughty? Bite on this.
Fetishes, paraphilias and kinks are some of the more misunderstood, and intriguing, elements of the human sexual experience. At their core, they are all about finding sexual excitement in a particular object, scene, or desire that is not what is typically associated with “vanilla” sex.
The origins of these types of sexual behaviors come from a host of possibilities, including signal crossing — where the brain’s wiring overlaps, linking a body part with a pleasure hotspot. Other times, they are result of imprinting –when repeated exposure to a non-sexual item or experience (think boots, diapers, pantyhose, feet, spanking…) gets permanently filed under the “turn-ons” tab. And trauma or social influences can leave their mark here too.
For years, paraphilias and fetishes were (and still are) stamped as mental disorders — but they are only labeled as such if they cause significant real-world distress and/or an inability to function. Otherwise? They can be harmless quirks in all things sexually curious. Still, if your good vibrations get labeled “weird” by society, family, or a partner, shame and secrecy can quickly take center stage.
While concepts surrounding paraphilias, fetishes and kinks overlap, there is difference between these three words. Paraphilia is the clinical catch-all for any strong and unshakable sexual interest outside the mainstream. Sometimes it’s object-based like a fetish, but sometimes it centers on scenarios or themes like vampirism or exhibitionism. Now, if it’s a scene you sometimes like to role play, or a thing you do to sometimes get off, that could be kink, but if it’s a specific non-sexual object you need to use to get off, it’s called a fetish.
If that’s all too confusing, think of it like this. A paraphilia is the obscure playlist that you create to get those good feels going, a fetish is your favorite song on that playlist, and a kink is the bonus track, or a part of the mix that you enjoy listening to when the mood strikes. All fetishes are considered paraphilias and kinks, but not all paraphilias or kinks are considered fetishes.
Sure, there are pros and cons of tasting the rainbow. Exploring other fruity, or grimy, flavors of sex contributes to a more varied and satisfactory sex life, especially if it adds novelty, excitement, depth, and intimacy to the relationship. It can also build trust, increase communication, decrease shame and anxiety, and allow for an experience of feeling seen, and safe, in a relationship.
However, in the complex weave of excitement and pleasure, one may also find pain – both literally and metaphorically. This can lead to lower self-esteem, and can contribute to bouts of emotional or physical harm to yourself or someone else. It can also feed into the perception of stigma, which allows a person to stay in shame.
Whether you already interact with your kink, fetish, or label it paraphilia, or are looking to explore something you have been playing around with in your brain, don’t sweat it. Having an attraction to what lay beyond the mainstream allows for a world of imagination that not even Willy Wonka could fully realize.
