The Crave/HBO Max TV show Heated Rivalry has become a global phenomenon, a sign that a show about “sticking it to the man” is clearly on to something. The series, based on the Rachel Reid books, Game Changers, focuses situationships turned relationships of gay hockey players. It’s become the wine moms’ new Fifty Shades of Grey. What’s the appeal of male-on-male romance for a straight woman crowd? Hint: It’s about permission, vulnerability and tight buns.
Women don’t have to do the heavy lifting here
Heated Rivalry gives women permission to admire men without the additional emotional labor or caretaking that goes into many heterosexual dynamics. In so many heteronormative relationships, women are trying to navigate attraction, assess for safety, and be present for their partner. In Heated Rivalry, women aren’t the object, or recipient, of desire, and instead we can watch without being required to do anything at all.
There’s no competition
Okay, so Rose Landry and Svetlana do some emotional labor, but it’s more in support of their best friends than wanting to have them as boyfriends. Lots of us know what it’s like to pine for a love we can’t pin down. That’s relatable. In sharing in this experience, we can have empathy for these other women. This tend and befriend theory allows us to connect with each other during moments of stress, and feel a collective knowing as a result. We can feel seen, without having to feel bad.
The Female Gaze
In most media, the female body is positioned for the male gaze. Heated Rivalry flips that switch. It gives women permission to look without touching. There’s a freedom here. Women get to sexualize these men – their bodies, their vulnerability, their tension and yes, even their butts from a safe distance. Not only that, but we get to do it without the misogyny, power imbalance, or threat that often accompanies sexualized female bodies on screen.
‘Heated Rivalry’ • Photo: Sabrina Lantos/HBOMax.
It nails a trope
The enemies-to-lover’s trope works well in the romance genre, and Heated Rivalry nails this dynamic between Shane and Ilya. Not only does this anticipation, yearning, craving and passion brew for years, it also reminds us that “the only thing more powerful than hate is love.” Their desire is mutual and both ultimately find that they want to surrender to their love. In this case, the fantasy of “turning” someone is not just about sex, but about coming to terms with, and owning, their identity.
Men behaving vulnerably
The mutual respect and desire that Ilya and Shane, and Kip and Scott, have for one another serves as reminder of what we inherently know – men have feelings too. Watching these men flirt, tease each other, explore their sexuality, and ultimately come out, provides us a whole range of emotional experiences women aren’t always privy to.
Women love Heated Rivalry because it gives us something most romantic stories rarely do: Hot, gay sex with an emotional undercurrent, alongside the permission to desire men without the burden of caring for them. In this case, it also provides us with the “happy ending” fairytale, minus the princess.
Jamye Waxman, PhD is a sex and couples therapist based out of Los Angeles, CA.
