It all started with a fashion emergency.
“It’s like, 85 degrees outside,” explains Annette looking back on that day, “and here I am covered up in a trench coat going into the venue.”
She was walking into a standard hotel, but maybe not a standard event. Like lots of couples looking to explore, Annette and her husband, Chris, were heading to a private swingers event. “You got like a bar mitzvah on one side and a family reunion on the other. And you want to be respectful of the people around you and their family, because this is our lifestyle. It’s not everybody else’s lifestyle. I’m not trying to push my beliefs onto everybody else.” For Annette, showing respect meant consistently camouflaging her fun and risque outfits with bulky overcoats. “You have to dress up. Then you have to cover up to go in, cover up to go out.” At some point she didn’t want to hide her outfit –or her lifestyle.
That’s when the young newlyweds discovered the little house in the woods.
“I don’t know which one of us found it,” says Chris. “But it was a small, little house that was in the country. We ended up going there, and we enjoyed that environment a lot better than the hotel.” A home in the woods was the start of the couple’s swinging new era. But in so many ways a home is also the start of modern swinging in America. After WWII, pilots, whose close bonds at base and high mortality rates in battle led to complex and convenient sexual relationships among friends, brought the practice home to America. While various forms of group sex, swapping and voyeurism have existed since ancient times, it was the small suburban homes they inhabited upon return from war that emerged as the set of a quiet sexual revolution in the 1950’s. During this period, couples hosted what were often referred to as “key parties,” where husbands and wives meet and explore with other married folks. The free love movement of the 60’s and 70’s amplified the movement and “the lifestyle,” as it came to be called, spread like wildfire across the country. This era saw the debut of noted swingers resorts like Sandstone Retreat founded by John Williamson in California and iconic swingers clubs like Plato’s Retreat founded by Larry Levenson in New York City.
And then things cooled.
The HIV/AID and drug epidemic of the 80’s put a pause on the momentum swinging had enjoyed in previous decades. By the 1990’s the lifestyle had gone underground. But by the time Annette and Chris found it in the early 2000’s, the lifestyle may have still been on the downlow, but it was on an upswing.
“I’m not going to lie,” says Chris, “I’m just like any typical guy, I see a pretty woman and I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I would love to have sex with her!’ I mean, that’s, that’s a typical guy thing.” Instead of going in headfirst, the couple decided to take their time in this new environment. “We just took it in small stages to slowly ease our way into it, because being a guy and young at the time, I’m horny, I’m full of testosterone. All I want to do is have sex. That’s it. But I wanted to make sure that I didn’t mess up my relationship.” Annette felt just as committed. “I agree with that. It’s like the first rule for us is we are in the relationship. It’s not us and somebody else in the relationship. It’s our relationship. So, our relationship always has to come first and foremost. And you have to be able to separate and compartmentalize to a degree.”
With their philosophy in place, they enjoyed the next four years at this playground in the woods, until the owner announced its closing. For the fun seeking couple, it should have marked a moment to find a new place; instead, they found a new idea. And naturally, the inspiration came in bed. “I just looked over at her, and I was like, ‘What do you think if we ask if we can buy it?” As fate would have it, the owner was thinking the same thing and approached the couple with the opportunity to purchase the business.
And just like that the couple that played was now transformed into the couple that pioneers.
The name they chose was simple and seductive: You Know Where, inspired by a town in the game Minecraft. With a background in hospitality, the husband and wife team fell naturally into their new role as proprietors of the 1600 square foot home, which they continuously modified for their gatherings. Annette oversaw the lifestyle aspect of the club, while Chris handled technical and security aspects of the venue. By the end of 2005, their first year in business, they averaged nearly 20 couples per weekend.
You Know Where circa 2019 • Photo courtesy Annette and Chris.
As entrepreneurs, they joined an interesting industry at an even more interesting time. By early 2000, brick and mortar swingers clubs were growing in number, catering to couples who didn’t want to migrate or have to travel to play. Additionally, Luxury Lifestyles, the Miami based company founded by Claudia and Jose Aguirre launched around this time, providing group excursions to luxe mansions, international cruises and exotic locales. But for all the success of this era, clubs like the Cherry Pit in Texas showed that hurdles were still in place. Their landmark case pit the owners, Jim Truelock and Julie Norris against the city of Duncanville in a fight to operate their club in their private home. They lost and were arrested and convicted in 2009 on multiple charges ranging from operating a sexually oriented business without a license to Texas Alcoholic Beverage code violations.
Around the same time in North Carolina, You Know Where was flourishing. The club, housed in a two-bedroom, one bathroom home in the middle of nowhere was outfitted with a swing room, kitchen and a main level with a dance floor. “It’s something new every night,” describes Chris of the period and its growth. “And it’s because of the influx of people. We would always average around 30 to 40 new couples every single Saturday night. So, with that many people coming in, you’re always seeing somebody new.” By the end of 2009, over 3500 couples had made the trip to their club and would have continued. But changing county codes and zoning laws meant they had to vacate.
By 2010 they’d settled into a 9,000 square foot location in Fayetteville, North Carolina. In a mere six months, Fire Marshals came knocking at their door with complaints –once again about codes. Facing daunting upgrades, Annette, Chris and their growing membership decided to find better pastures. That came in the form of a 12,000 square foot venue that became home in 2011. Over the following eleven years the entrepreneurial couple did several rounds of remodeling to customize the space for what was now 11,500 members. By 2022 You Know Where was an institution that attracted visitors from far and wide and had survived storm after storm, including Covid in 2020. But by the end of that year, they couldn’t survive a new landlord.
Annette and Chris
Once again, they were being asked to leave something they had so lovingly built.
“I have had the occasional thought come to mind that I just need to be done,” shares Chris, “Because for 20 years, I’ve been fighting and fighting and fighting, and it’s always somebody else slamming another door in my face. And that’s exactly what this felt, when we were told the news that they were not going to renew your lease. I felt defeated.”
However, the resilient couple knew a thing or two about bouncing back. For six months, they scrambled for a new location to rent. “I could not find anything that meets all the zoning and requirements and the codes and everything.” Just then an investor materialized with a radical solution: building a brand-new club from scratch. Today they are poised to open the biggest version of You Know Where yet: a custom built, multi-thousand square foot private club, nestled on six acres of land. With launch plans in place, they are already dreaming about the next phase.
“As we’re building one location from the ground up,” shares Chris, “we’re hoping within a few years, we’ll have five or more locations. I want a place in every city, right?”
His optimism is well placed. Today, though there are still challenges, the lifestyle is now louder, prouder and more profitable than ever. According to Bedbible.com’s market analysis, today the industry is worth an estimated $9.5 billion globally. As Annette and Chris poise themselves for the grand re-opening of their new venue next year, they are excited about their share in this bottom line, but most importantly about once again translating the magic from the little house in the woods to their latest home on multiple acres. If their past is any indication of their future, once again they’ll be pioneering even greater levels of play.
You Know Where’s latest venue is scheduled to open in 2026. Discover more Here.
