Dear Holly, Every guy I’ve met who truly had BDE (or a big dick for that matter) didn’t brag about it. Why are the loudest ones usually the least impressive?
I’ve seen and heard this work out in myriad ways. For example, I once got the Christmas morning type delight of my life when someone who was very low-key, incredibly kind, smart, funny and sweet showed up to my house with a box of magnum XL condoms. Because in my past experience, the guys with the biggest dicks, were usually kind of… well… dicks.
Though maybe it was my penchant for dating alcoholic rockstars. That’s another story, but in case you don’t know what that means, they’re usually insecure little man babies. Thank God I’ve moved beyond all of that. This guy… this magnum XL guy… he was confident. And I think I learned what true BDE is that day. Confident people don’t need to show off. True confidence has no ego. It is quiet, steady and comes from deep within. And that’s what’s at the heart of Big Dick Energy. It’s a powerful presence. Not the loudest in the room, but the one who listens. The most thoughtful. It’s the person who grooms and dresses for themselves. They look within rather than all around the room for validation. It has little to do with actual size.
Like beauty, the truest form of it must come from within. Some men with big dicks have it. Think John Hamm, roaming the streets in his grey sweatpants. Women can have it too. Barbara Walters, Shonda Rhimes, Martha Stewart, Oprah, Alex Cooper and Salma Hayek come to mind. Even men with smaller dicks can have it. I’ve met a few that just drip with BDE. Like those twins on Selling Sunset. I’ve never seen their dicks, but those dudes are quite tiny in stature, yet they always seem kind and are surrounded by women. You don’t even need to be human to have it. The Brave Little Toaster. Pepe Le Pew. A roll of duct tape is super BDE. That shit can do anything.
A gesture can exude BDE. Like anonymously paying for someone’s dinner at a restaurant. Men that cook for their girlfriends. Men that go out of their way to do anything for girls, really. Having one arm because you got polio as a kid. Killing your own food. Making maple syrup.
Conversely, LDE is exhibited when people haven’t dealt with their trauma and allow their inner children to run the show. Throwing a tantrum as an adult is super LDE. Being mean to servers, TEENY TINY PENIS vibes. Making animals work and stealing their money, saying things like “they get to eat all the mice they could ever want!” Cars with loud exhaust pipes. Being cheap. Making fun of people.
You get the idea. Just be cool. Wait, what was the question?
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Dear Holly, My boyfriend is a bad tipper. It’s humiliating, and I’m often making an excuse to sneak back into the restaurant to leave some more money for the server. For delivery, he doesn’t even tip at all. I’ve tried to bring it up and he says tipping is a scam, and it’s not his problem if restaurants don’t pay enough.
Whoa. Service industry work should be mandatory, like the Israeli army. Citizens are required to serve at age 18, for a couple years at least. Service work gives people empathy. It can be brutal and humiliating. These are some of the hardest workers around. Sounds like your guy has an empathy problem. In other words, he lacks it totally. Is he a spoiled trust fund kid?
Or maybe he’s broke, and can’t afford to go out to eat, in which case he shouldn’t be allowed to have a girlfriend. Is he just an asshole? Whatever the situation, this is a personality trait that would close my vagina up and dry it out so fast. After witnessing the first bad tip, how do you even get just the tip up in there?
Speaking of… I can’t imagine this man is much of a giver in the bedroom, either. Am I right?
Okay, so why do you want to be with him?
Seeing as you have nothing to lose, here’s what you do. Brutal honesty.
“Baby, you’re a bad tipper and it’s giving me the ick. Learn to be more generous, or I’m out.”
Hold yourself to a higher standard. Be more generous with yourself. You deserve much better than this LDE bullshit. Bad tippers ought to be relegated to the land of never getting laid, aka hell. Maybe there, they can finally learn their lesson.
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Dear Holly, My new guy is amazing. Every girl’s dream. Kind, attentive, emotionally available, and super into me. And extremely well endowed. Maybe too well endowed. The sex has been more stressful than enjoyable for me. I feel tense before we even start because I know it’s probably going to hurt, and I hate that it’s making me avoid intimacy with someone I care about. I don’t want to make him feel self-conscious or rejected, but I also don’t want to have to go to keep gritting my teeth through this. Are we just physically incompatible? Is my vagina too small?
I am dying to know how big is too big. Please write in again with some kind of absolute measurement, just to satisfy my morbid curiosity. And speaking of satisfaction, it seems like such a travesty and a waste that you’re not getting yours. I have a friend who dated a guy who blamed her for his dick not staying hard, saying that her vagina was the wrong shape.
Hopefully your guy isn’t putting these kinds of absurdities into your head because no matter the case, it is never, ever a woman’s fault when sex isn’t working or feeling good. Come at me, I don’t care. I said what I said. It’s so easy for a man to get off, there’s not much for us to figure out. Therefore, men best learn the delicate, inner workings of a woman’s body. She needs to be warmed and softened, eased into for her to open and bloom properly.
If you’re gritting your teeth and clenching, you are definitely not turned on enough to be taking in such a grand package. Of course you’re rejecting this behemoth, and of course it’s painful. A pencil sized dong would likely hurt if you’re this tense. Anything would. A tampon would.
Lube, lube, lube! I like a natural, water-based lubricant with no scent or flavor or any of that crap that will inevitably give you an infection. Lola makes a great one. But even before you get to that point of applying lube, you should be well worked up. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Your man should make it his priority to get you so excited; you simply must have him inside of you or you shall perish.
With the gift of great size comes great responsibility, and it’s his to make sure it feels good for you, and not scary. And if, even after all that, it still doesn’t work, then maybe he’s just bad in bed, and you’re not that into him. Maybe you’re not as attracted to him as you think. Or maybe your body is trying to send you a message by rejecting him. Check your stomach to see what it has to say. Your gut always knows.
Need Advice? Email: askholly@playgirl.com
*I am not a doctor, therapist or professional counselor. This advice is for entertainment purposes only.
Holly Solem is a writer living in Los Angeles, CA. Read her Substack; HollyWould, watch her internet series; Manthropology and follow her on Instagram!
