Dear Holly, my boyfriend keeps trying to turn me into dessert. Like, literally. He wants to put whipped cream on my boobs, chocolate syrup on my thighs, cherries in my… well, you get the idea. But here’s the thing. My vagina is sensitive. I am one wrong pH shift away from a yeast infection. In fact, the last time we engaged in this kind of play, I was broken for ten days. It just excites him so much, I don’t know how to tell him it’s… off the table.
Love,
Lactose Intolerant but Hot
Dear Lactose Intolerant but Hot,
You must put an end to this kind of food play! I would simply die if anything sugary was spread upon or placed even near the sensitive organism of me. I understand wanting to please your man, but there must be other ways! And most importantly, if you’re forsaking your health for his pleasure, where’s the fun in that?
Wanting to satisfy him is sweet enough, and so are you! If you have a union of reciprocity, then your well-being should be HIS number one priority. So, I ask, why aren’t you just talking to him about it? If you’re at the level of intimacy where you’re literally eating from one another’s bodies, I would hope you’d be able to speak openly about your needs. And if you have, and he’s not honoring that, that’s another conversation.
Ultimately, I see this as an opportunity to get creative. YOU are the snacky-treat, baby. Perhaps if you describe to him which parts of your body relate to which foods––a la my breasts are mountains of sugary frosting, my nipples, the cherries on top––the same effect could be had. Or you could research some aphrodisiacs, consuming foods such as dark chocolate and oysters just prior to sexy times. Have fun with it! Whipped cream on the thighs is a bit cliche anyway, and you are an ORIGINAL!
###
Dear Holly, I just found out the guy I recently started dating listens to manosphere dudes like Nick Fuentes and Jordan Peterson. He says he doesn’t necessarily agree, and that it’s just for entertainment, like how I watch True Crime but don’t actually want to murder anyone. He says it’s not a big deal. But to be honest, I can’t understand why anyone would even find that amusing or entertaining? Is our relationship doomed?
To compare our beloved true crime genre to hateful Manosphere rhetoric… BLASPHEMY!
True crime, while I do agree is somewhat toxic, is the documentation and retelling of something TRUE. Something that really happened. Often with the victim being a woman, and very likely the perpetrator being a man who agrees with that poisonous bullshit being perpetuated by the bro-verse––which really is just a bunch of made-up lies.
True Crime is a story and a warning. Manosphere content is propaganda meant to indoctrinate and brainwash those who engage with it. And if the man you’re dating doesn’t understand these very obvious differences between the two, I feel sorry for him and especially sorry for any woman in his vicinity.
My instinct is to tell you to RUN girl, run. But maybe you should hear him out. Maybe you ought to sit him down and try to explain to him how YOU see it. How this affects women like you every single day. How it disintegrates our society, furthers our gender division, and how absolutely dangerous it is to fuck with. Not to mention, how damaging it would be to your relationship, and his life as a whole, should he carry on consuming it under the guise of entertainment.
Maybe he’ll listen to you. Maybe he’ll respect you and see your point of view. Maybe you can help him to realize what trash the red pill society really is and have some empathy for women––for PEOPLE. Misogyny isn’t funny. It’s scary. It hurts everyone.
And if he wants you to stop watching true crime, you could tell him there might not be any if men stopped thinking like fragile ego, hateful, little man-baby pricks who see women as anything other than the humans they are.
###
Dear Holly, I caught my husband jerking off after he turned me down for sex. The worst part, it was a gang bang! Is that what he wants? Is that why he doesn’t want me? How do I confront him? I feel so rejected and unattractive.
Take a deep breath. First things first, just because he watches gang bang porn does not mean that’s what he craves in reality. When searching for porn, I often seek out the most realistic scenarios possible––Midwestern farmers raw lovemaking in barns, trad wives’ going down on each other, geriatric’s banging intensely––and that is definitely NOT what I want IRL.
Secondly, rejection is not about you being unattractive so please try to remove the blame from yourself. We have all been rejected and it always feels terrible, but if anything, you might try letting it fuel you to become your best self––hotter, better, more interesting––by putting your focus back on you.
My real advice here: as with any interpersonal relationship, it’s about communication. What’s going on to make him prefer a solo venture over the warmth of your loving embrace? Maybe he’s not feeling so hot about himself? Whatever the cause, (and I don’t have enough information for a full diagnosis) a couple’s desire for one another not matching up is a tale as old as time. More often we hear of men being turned down by women, which I think makes it confusing and difficult for us girls when it happens, but it is not uncommon.
My sexual desire has always been greater than every boyfriend I’ve ever had. Well, one ex did match my freak, but he was completely insane. Anyway, just talk to your husband. Get more information. Try not to take it (or anything) personally. Xx
###
Dear Holly, I think I’m starting to fall for my cousin. We aren’t blood, related only by marriage. Still, is that wrong? I think our family would absolutely lose their shit.
Thank you,
Cousin Kisser
Dear Cousin Kisser,
Um. Well. I mean… I guess it’s not wrong. Maybe I don’t have enough information. I mean. Shit. There are a lot of fish in the sea, darling. But then again, love is love… right?
Need Advice? Email: askholly@playgirl.com
*I am not a doctor, therapist or professional counselor. This advice is for entertainment purposes only.
Holly Solem is a writer living in Los Angeles, CA. Read her Substack; HollyWould, watch her internet series; Manthropology and follow her on Instagram!
