How To Pick Up People In Bars


So you are at the hottest new bar in your City, you are ready to mingle, and you are surrounded by a plethora of nice-looking women. The problem? None of those women are talking to you.  How do you get a strange woman to talk to you, and furthermore, how to you get her to give you her phone number?

Even if you are the hottest guy in the bar, knowing which women to approach and when is just as important as the approach itself. There are certain situations where women actually WANT to be picked up, and there are certain situations where you are guaranteed to get shot down no matter how suave you are. Knowing when to swoop in can make the difference between a pocketful of hotties phone numbers and being laughed out of the bar in shame.

1.             The “Girls Night Out Group”

You notice a group of three to five women, sipping cocktails and chatting loudly. You may think that you have a good shot if you go over there and chat up the whole group, I mean, at least one of them has to bite, right?

WRONG. Women on girls’ nights are naturally pre-disposed to man-bashing. Any attempt to approach the group as a whole will be met with fits of giggles followed by an unflattering dissection of your looks and your personality after you walk away

This does not mean that the situation is impossible however. Here’s how you approach:

Pick one girl out of the group who strikes your fancy. Glance over and try to make eye contact with the girl in question a few times. If she comes up to the bar to order or gets up to go to the bathroom, try to catch her alone. Say something like “I couldn’t help but notice you from across he room, but you seem to be with friends and they look like a great group and I don’t want to impose. Could I maybe get your number so we could meet sometime when you aren’t busy?”

Chances are you will get shot down, but she will appreciate your respectful advance and at least shoot you down kindly.  Or maybe she will invite you to join the group. And you never know unless you try right?

2.             Girl Sitting Alone at Bar

This one may seem like easy prey, because she is sitting all alone, but it’s harder than it seems. As she is alone, she is feeling a bit vulnerable and out of her element. Plus, she may be waiting for someone, such a girlfriend, or, even worse, her very large and very jealous linebacker boyfriend.

To approach her, its best if you are alone too, so leave your buddies and your wingman back at the table. Approach slowly, and be sure it seems to be for a reason other than just to talk to her. Order a drink from the bar (make it a complicated one so it takes a few minutes). Strike up a conversation with a line that makes you seem safe, something like “That’s a pretty watch, where did you get it? I’ve been looking for something like that to give my sister for her birthday.” (Mentioning you sister or your mother is a very good move).

If she bites, follow up by being very cordial; keep a respectful distance so as not to invade her personal space. ASK her if you can buy her a drink in such a way that it makes it seem like you are being cordial rather than trying to pick her up, so use self-deprecating humor i.e “I’d really like to buy you a drink but I don’t want to be that cliché sleazy pick-up guy. I just need an excuse to keep talking to you. Would you mind if I got you another?”

3.             Two Girls Together
This is the best situation, because if two girls are out at a bar together, there is a really good chance they came there for the expressed purpose of meeting guys, but again, you have to be careful in your approach. Here’s a little secret about women: they are both super-competitive and super-defensive of their girlfriends. It’s a catch-22. If you hit on one rather than the other, one will feel slighted, and the other one, though flattered you chose her, will not like you in defense of her friend.

The best thing to do in this situation is to flirt outrageously with both of them, and wait for them to decide which one “gets” you. Believe me, they will make it clear when one of them excuses herself to “make a phone call”. Just remember, even after its clear which girl likes you, be really really nice to the friend too. Girls rely a lot on their friend’s judgment of character.


In any case, always be polite and always bow out quickly and with good humor if you are shot down, even if she is rude and nasty about it. You never know when you might run into one of these women again, and you want to maintain in good standing in case she might be in a more receptive mood on another night. And remember: Girls talk to each other. You want your buzz to be positive!