What Men Want

So we were Chatting with a certain young man in our office about what it is that men really want. Lets start out by saying that this young man is not an outlier. He is well educated, successful, reasonably good looking, and for the most part, a fine young man. Yet he is stupid. All men are. No matter how you try to get around it, we are dealing with animals here.

According to this charmer, what men really want is a supermodel, who cooks like Martha Stewart and is sexually available during halftime. Seriously.  And this guy is, in fact, one of the nicer ones we’ve met.
So short of all of us turning to lesbianism, or getting a bunch of cats, which is, at this point, looking like a pretty good idea, what is a girl to do? Listen, though their brutish stupidity can be a bit trying, it can also be used to our advantage. The fact is, they are not complicated creatures. And they can be very loyal. Like dogs.
Here’s some tips to get your man eating out of the palm of your well manicured hand.

1. Make Your Man feel like a Man
Though you know you are perfectly capable of changing your own tire, fixing your own toilet and putting together your own IKEA furniture, sometimes they just need to feel needed. We are not saying play dumb, we’re just saying let him “rescue” you once in awhile. Even city boys like to feel like rugged mounted men once in awhile.

2. Let Him Watch Sports
Better yet, watch them with him. For reason we don’t quite understand, about 90% of a mans brain is occupied with sports at any given time. Its amazing how a man who can forget your anniversary three years running can somehow remember every statistic of every player in his stupid fantasy league. Yes, we know its boring, but isn’t it cute to see him all excited and happy? Put on that Jersey, and be ready to take it right back off during the commercial breaks. Trust us on this one. Giving him a quickie now will pay big dividends later.

3. Cook
Even the most evolved, feminist  free thinking men get hungry. And though your first instinct may be to impress him with a candlelit meal of braised duck, you can probably win more points with a cheeseburger. And wings. Throw in a six pack and you have a man-friendly feast.

4. Flirt with him in front of his friends
Men don’t really talk about their ”feelings” with their buddies the way we talk to our friends, dissecting every detail, but they do brag. Every guy wants their friends to be a bit jealous of their inherent studliness. We’re not saying you need to park yourself on his lap, but to brush up against him in a slightly suggestive manner, or shoot him a few smoldering looks that scream “I cant wait to tear your clothes off later.” His friends will be so, so jealous. Men love making their friends jealous.